Posted in Encouragement, Writer Musings

Forgiveness vs Reconciliation

A couple of weeks ago I was driving in my car and the program I was listening to was discussing forgiveness and reconciliation.  Listening to this program made me really begin to analyze the difference between the two and the impact each has on a person’s life.

According to dictionary.com, the definition of forgiveness means: 1. act of forgiving or being forgiven and 2. disposition or willingness to forgive.  The definition of reconciliation, according to dictionary.com, means: 1. act of reconciling, as when former enemies agree to an amicable truce, 2. the state of being reconciled, as when someone becomes resigned to something not desired, and 3. the process of making consistent or compatible.

Reconciliation requires two or more people to find a common ground when a situation occurs that causes issues between them.  A person may say that they have “reconciled” themselves to something that happened to them, but the reality is, unless that person has found the restoration or harmony with another, they have not truly been able to finalize the whole situation to put it to rest in their life.  Two or more people must want the reconciliation of a situation for that situation to find a resolution.

Forgiveness, which can occur between two or more people, is really a singular act for each person.  A person who refuses to find forgiveness for someone or something that has caused them pain or wrongdoing, allows the other party to live rent free in their head.  I say this because, when you refuse to let go of the pain, hurt, and damage done against you, you force yourself to live in that moment every day of your life and allow it to control you and all your decisions you make.

“I’m sorry” is a hard statement to make and many times even harder to accept.  Hearing this statement does not take the pain, wrongdoing, and damage away.  Even if you cannot reconcile yourself with the person that caused the hurt, you can choose to forgive that person.  It is only with the forgiving that you can truly begin to heal.

The state of forgiveness is where you find the freedom to move past the pain, wrongdoing, and damage that is causing you to suffer.  Forgiveness takes away the “live here rent free” sign in your head.  Learning to forgive any pain, damage, or wrongdoing done against you will allow your body and mind to begin to heal.

You may never forget the pain, damage, or wrongdoing done against you and you may never be able to reconcile the situation with the person that caused the harm, but when you allow yourself to forgive, that pain will become less; that damage will begin to mend; and that wrongdoing will begin to fade as each day goes by.  You will begin to feel the sensation of the freedom you are allowing yourself when you choose to forgive.  After all, you deserve to be free mind, body, and soul. 🙂

Do you struggle with one or both of these things in your life, Dear Bloggite?  How have you handled situations or people in the past who caused you to hurt?  Share your thoughts and experiences, and together, we will work through it.

~4-Ever, P

Posted in Encouragement

Terrorism Shall Not Defeat The World

Stand with Paris“Terrorism has become the systematic weapon of a war that knows no borders or seldom has a face.” ~Jacques Chirac

“Terrorism has once again shown it is prepared deliberately to stop at nothing in creating human victims.  An end must be put to this.  As never before, it is vital to unite forces of the entire world community against terror.” ~Vladimir Putin

“Interest does not tie nations together; it sometimes separates them.  But sympathy and understanding does unite them.” ~Woodrow Wilson

“The terrorists are fighting freedom with all their cunning and cruelty because freedom is their greatest fear – and they should be afraid, because freedom is on the march.” ~George W. Bush

We all have heard about the latest terroristic attacks in Paris, France.  Living through 9/11, my heart is breaking for all those affected in France and any Country that has suffered at the hands of terrorists.  I don’t understand how some person or groups of people can hate so severe, so intense, and so inhumane as to kill innocent people and attack countries.

Hate is a foreign emotion to me.  I have always looked at the best in all situations, no matter how severe.  My inane mindset can only sit in utter shock and sadness at the latest attacks.  I know France will rally as a nation while many other nations, the United States being one, will reach out and give support, love, and comfort.

This is twice I have had to witness and experience mass deaths from terrorists and that is two times too many.  How has this world degenerated so much that a human life is less important than a cause?  How has humanity delved into such a cesspool of hate and selfish mindsets that the wellbeing of others mean nothing?  How can people learn to live with love and understanding to ALL human beings in the world and start working together as one?

My brain refuses to allow this negative experience to change my hope in humanity.  I will not allow terrorism to defeat me, Dear Bloggites!  The World will not allow terrorism to defeat it!  France will rebuild stronger and more united, just as America came together to rebuild and unite after 9/11.

Be Kind to One Another because in the end, we all have to live in this world together.

~4-Ever, P

Posted in Book Review

Book Review: The Kindness Of Strangers (Penniless Across America) by Mike McIntyre

“I’ve never understood what people mean when they say they have to find themselves.  We know who we are.  The hard part is being that person.  It’s always so much easier to be someone else.” ~Mike McIntyre, The Kindness of Strangers

The Kindness of Strangers by Mike McIntyreToday was our Broads & Books Book Club Meeting.  The book we discussed  is The Kindness of Strangers by Mike McIntyre.  The theme of the book captured me right away.  I always try to see the kindness in others and I believe people are inherently good.  This book is a non-fiction work about the author, Mike McIntyre, who decides to face his fear of life in general by quitting his job and traveling across the United States with no money and being wholeheartedly dependent upon the kindness of strangers on his journey.

I believe the biggest factor with fear is a lack of knowledge and understanding on the subject that causes the fear in you.  Mike McIntyre decided to conquer his fear that has ruled his life by becoming completely dependent upon strangers.  The author leaves his job, girlfriend, and the city he lives in for the unknown world of America.  The leap of faith Mike McIntyre took in trusting that he would find kindness from strangers along his journey is a big leap.  He is dependent upon unknown people who are willing to show kindness to make this journey a success.  Great concept, right?  Sounds amazing, yes?  Well it is not, at least not in the way the author has written this book.

The book, The Kindness of Strangers (penniless across America), left me feeling disappointed.  Throughout the book, I just felt like I was reading the notes from the author that he took because the stories he told in the book were written with a detachment by the author.  He seemed to have no connection with the stories that he told aside from witnessing them.  I felt the author exuded a bit of an ego and kept with his stereo-typical assumptions of people that he has formed throughout his life.

There were only a few moments of epiphany that the reader felt in the book, but those moments were few and far between.  There were moments of brilliant writing and statements in the book, however, I think the author damaged his story by looking through his journalistic lens instead of actually living in the moment of the experiences he came across.

This story does help open the reader’s eyes to a different world that they may not be familiar with and does help give a little hope for the people in this world.  A hope that not all we see and hear is evil and crap in the world.  There are truly kind people who would not think twice about assisting a stranger that is in need.  I like this fact because all too often people have a jaded view of the world we live in and it saddens my heart.  I love the world I live in and appreciate the people I have the pleasure of coming across along my own personal journey in life.

I give The Kindness of Strangers by Mike McIntyre 1 out of 5 Bookmarks, Dear Bloggites.  I do not recommend this book for you to read.  Hopefully his other written works are better than this one.

~4-Ever, P

Posted in This & That

Traditional Marriage Defector

Before I start, please know that I am not writing this to offend anyone’s beliefs and if I do offend you, I am sorry but this is how I feel.  I write this out of love for all:

Today marks a historical day for the United States of America. The Supreme Court passed the law that Same Sex Marriage is legal across the United States.  The Associate Justice Anthony Kennedy was the swing vote on the matter.  It made me proud to be a Catholic. Associate Justice Kennedy is a Catholic who voted for equality among all sexes to get married.

Equality-that is the key word here.  Our Constitution has supported equality for all American citizens.  Our history has its black marks and its bright days and today is one of those bright days.  I used to lean towards being against same sex marriage for years until one year (a long time ago) a good friend of mine sat me down for a heart to heart on same sex marriage and homosexuality in general.  Mind you, I have never been against a person’s preference from one sex over another, but I have had the definition of marriage taught to me that it is between man and woman.

My friend is gay and she wanted me to understand that the desires of a homosexual versus a heterosexual is more the same than different.  They both desire love, marriage, family, and someone to witness their life so it meant something when they pass on from this world.  She pointed out that banning same sex marriage is no different than when people kept slaves (her words, not mine, and she has that right, she is black) or women being banned from voting.  The denial of a person’s rights is never okay, no matter the situation.

America believes in the freedom of choice and to deny someone the choice of marriage with someone of the same sex is wrong and unconstitutional.   Everyone has a right to choose in their life, be it guns, abortion, religious choices, or same sex marriage, everyone should have that right to choose and other people do not have the right to control another person’s choice.  That is what makes America so Great!

I love my Country and I love my Constitution and that conversation with my friend really opened my eyes that I was going against what I loved the most: freedom of choice!  My mind was changed.  People love who they love and that love should be allowed to be shared for the whole world to see.  Their choice to marry another of the same sex does not affect your life in any way shape or form.  It will not sway your foundation you believe in, it will only allow more happiness in the world; And isn’t that what we all want?  Happiness for others as well as ourselves?

I am a traditional marriage defector because I believe everyone has a right to choose who they spend the rest of their life with.  Just because I don’t believe in marriage for me (been down that road several times with the same results: divorce) but I will always believe in marriage for others: man and woman, woman and woman, or man and man.  It is their choice and I am a proud American to see our Constitution amended to allow that freedom and equality for all.

~4-Ever, P